


The Game is True Columbia.

by bazerella



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Craigslist, Inspired by New Girl (TV 2011), Multi, Roommates, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:41:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazerella/pseuds/bazerella
Summary: Andrew decides it's time to move out of his childhood home and answers an ad on Craigslist. His new roommates are not at all what he expected and he's convinced all three of them share a single braincell.Matt is a former boxer with teddy bear tendencies; Kevin is petty, proud and never seems to not have an opinion; and Neil is a bit of an underachiever with a bit of mystery surrounding him that Andrew can't help be intrigued by.Somewhere along the way they form a bit of a dysfunctional family along with Andrew's twin brother Aaron.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 28
Kudos: 88





	1. pilot

**Author's Note:**

> ...can you guess which show i'm rewatching? 
> 
> Ok I love New Girl and apparently I'm incapable of consuming content without being like "..but what if it was andreil?" so now this exists. ignore the cheesy af title maybe it'll change if i think of something better but honestly probably not. 
> 
> There's no updating schedule. I'll probably just add to it as im rewatching and get inspired. this is a very unserious fic and i had so much fun writing the first chapter so !!indulge me??!! 
> 
> tags will be updated as the story progresses!
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

Realistically, this was a bad idea. There was probably some scary statistic about the likelihood of getting murdered when replying to an ad on Craigslist for a roommate but Andrew was going to take his chances. 

He had no choice. Living in his childhood home had simply become unbearable. His cousin Nicky was a constant mess; he was in the midst of planning “the greatest wedding of the century” and Andrew had run out of patience for the groom-to-be and all his nonsense. “Andrew, did you see my wedding Pinterest board?”, “Andrew, do you think roses are too cliche to walk down the aisle with?”, “Andrew what if Erik and I did cupcakes instead of a cake?” 

First of all, Pinterest was where Andrew saved photos of cool looking breakfast toast that he was always too lazy to make, not to look at hundreds of photos of seating arrangements and balloon arches. Second, obviously roses were too cliche and honestly, fuck Nicky for even considering that. Finally, the cake was the best part of weddings. If Nicky opted for cupcakes instead Andrew was going to raise a giant middle finger to his role as groomsman and not even bother showing up. 

Andrew’s brother was a whole different mess. Aaron had gone and landed himself a modeling gig posing for horrific and cheesy stock photos of doctors in the medical field and was so pleased with the results that he was now going back to school to pursue a medical degree. Only Aaron would see a photo of himself pretending to take a person's blood pressure and think “Hmm, yes. Better get a degree so next time I have to model a doctor it’ll be legit”. 

Which. Whatever. If Aaron wanted to put himself through medical school debt then who was Andrew to stop him? But what Andrew could stop was having to listen to the constant whining about “how many goddamn bones there are” in the human body. Aaron’s adventure of becoming a medical professional was not something Andrew wanted to witness anymore. 

And then there was Bee. Poor, sweet Bee who took in three lonesome boys as her own and finally after years of giving she was taking. Bee, who had adopted Andrew and Aaron at age six, and Nicky at age nine, was writing a book about the long term effects of childhood trauma and neglect. It was a subject that meant a lot to Bee and Andrew knew that once published, it would help a lot of people. However, because the subject meant a lot to Bee it meant she got fully immersed in her research. This meant that Andrew would leave his room at night sometimes to get a snack and find Bee sitting on the couch crying as she ferociously types on her laptop. 

“The world is just so unfair to these children,” Bee would cry. And fuck if that wasn’t the truth. Andrew agreed, but also for his own mental health, he needed to stop finding his adoptive mother sobbing at three in the morning. 

Why would Andrew want to stop living for free and instead pay to live on the opposite side of town as his family with strangers? Reread the previous paragraphs. 

So Craigslist. 

The ad had looked like it was written by middle schoolers. But after some research, Andrew had found that the apartment was actually in a pretty decent area, it was only about a fifteen minute drive from the elementary school Andrew worked at as a first grade teacher, and the rent was fairly cheap. Andrew called the number on the ad and set up a meeting. 

Whatever Andrew had been expecting, it wasn’t this. 

First, there was Matt. Matt was tall, and friendly, and he had this grin that was so welcoming and warm it made a person want to tell him all their secrets. Andrew didn’t trust him. Matt was a professional boxer and had been away in Latvia for some tournament for about six months previously. He had a girl he was sort of seeing before he went away and he’s not exactly sure where they stand now. This was all information Andrew did not ask for, but was thrust upon him regardless when the muscular man opened the door for Andrew. 

Kevin was pretty. He had a sharp enough jawline to cut glass, dark raven hair that was styled to perfection, peridot green eyes, and looked like he could bench double Andrew’s weight. The allure was ruined as soon as he started speaking. Typically Andrew’s type, but for fucks sake he needed to stop talking. Kevin seemed to have an opinion on everything that existed. From why Matt was the one who opened the door for Andrew to why Andrew was wearing a coral sweater with black shoes. 

“Coral looks better with brown, that’s all I’m saying.” Kevin had said. Andrew didn’t reply because he didn’t want the first thing he said to his possibly potential roommates to be him telling one of them to go fuck themselves. 

Lastly there was Neil. Andrew didn’t know much about Neil except for the fact that he worked as a bartender at a club downtown. He was a closed book and so far he was Andrew’s favorite. His auburn hair mixed with his sky blue eyes was a striking combination that made him more intimidating than beautiful. Nicky would have a field day if he saw Neil’s picture. Andrew was close to having a field day of his own but similarly to Kevin, once Neil started speaking the allure was mostly ruined. Neil was...bad at this whole life thing. He didn’t seem to care too much about his general well-being and within five minutes Kevin had reminded him about at least twenty basic human functions. However, unlike with Kevin, Andrew found Neil to be sort of endearing. Sure, he seemed to need someone to remind him to eat breakfast, but the fact that Andrew still knew next to nothing about Neil a half hour into the meeting made him interesting. 

Collectively, Andrew assumed that there was one brain cell shared among the three of them. Neil never got a turn with the brain cell, Matt sometimes got a turn but didn’t exactly know how to use it, and Kevin got to use the brain cell the most, but that wasn’t really saying much. After all, it was still just one singular brain cell. 

After a brief tour of the apartment: four bedrooms, a communal bathroom, living room, and kitchen where Andrew was appalled at lack of sweets. 

“Neil doesn’t really like sweets,” Matt explained when Andrew pointed this out. “Kevin cares too much about his body to put anything processed in it so I usually hide some snacks in my room so he doesn’t find them.” 

“You will share them with me,” Andrew stated. And that was pretty much how he agreed to move in. He was given a key and assigned a parking spot. (He was spot 03. Kevin was spot 02 and Matt was spot 04. Neil was spot 10 but as Andrew left he noticed there was a razor scooter in said spot, and not a car). 

“I still don’t understand why you’re moving out,” Aaron said as he watched Andrew pack. 

“Because I am 26 and living at home.” 

“Yeah  _ for free.  _ You’re literally leaving a free bedroom to pay to live with people you don’t even know.” 

“I just think it’s time for me to branch out. Become independent,” Andrew tried. 

“I don’t get it,” Aaron shrugged. “But whatever. Are your roommates hot?” 

_ Yes,  _ was Andrew’s immediate thought. “They’re nice to look at,” Andrew settled on. “But they’re not the brightest bunch.” 

“That’s cool. It’ll be like college!” 

“We commuted to college from here,” Andrew pointed out. 

“Exactly,” Aaron said. “You’ll get to experience what it would've been like if we went somewhere further away. I’ll be living vicariously through you.” 

“You could always move out,” Andrew said. 

“Nah. I love Bee’s homemade pizza too much.” Aaron paused in thought as he rifled through Andrew’s shoes. “You’ll still come back for pizza night won’t you?” 

“Obviously,” Andrew said. It wasn’t like he was moving states. He was moving to the other side of town. 

“Cool,” Aaron smiled. “Hey, wait, that’s my shirt.” 

Aaron lunged for the shirt sitting atop Andrew’s suitcase. Andrew grabbed it before Aaron could reach. It was  _ not  _ Aaron’s shirt. Aaron proceeded to rifle through all of Andrew’s hard work packing, claiming pants and sweaters that were one hundred percent  _ not  _ his. Eventually Nicky came up and tried to help contain the mess.

Surprisingly, Nicky was being the most chill about Andrew moving out. His usually dramatic and emotional cousin was supportive, where Bee was crying about an empty nest (despite two of her children still very much living at home), and Aaron not understanding wanting space. Andrew thought that Nicky’s emotions were too focused on Erik and the wedding that he simply didn’t have the capacity to also be a wreck about Andrew moving out. 

At exactly 2:42am, Andrew was officially packed. Tomorrow he would haul his stuff to his new home. Andrew felt a sort of excitement growing in his stomach. He would miss his family, of course. Once he found his family, he had never really strayed too far away. This would be good for him. He was going to be independent. He would have the space to become his own person outside of the same walls he grew up in. 

Andrew Minyard was going to be a new man. 


	2. Weddings, Exes, and Chicken Dances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil needs a date for a wedding where he knows he's going to run into his ex. Andrew agrees to be his date. Meanwhile, Kevin overshares about his love life.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Andrew sighed as he looked at the sight before him.

Neil’s hair was gelled back into an atrocious hairstyle and he had this stupid little pleading smirk on his face. “Come on, Andrew, I can’t go to this wedding stag! My ex is going to be there and I need you to be my date and keep me from doing anything stupid” 

Andrew ignored the flip his stomach did as Neil referred to him as his date. “Why can’t Kevin or Matt babysit you?” 

Kevin barged into the room, uninvited. “Because Neil is a mess. And we’ve tried. Several times before. He’s immune to our words.” 

Neil frowned. “Have you been standing out there this whole time just waiting to barge in?” 

“Yes, yes I have,” Kevin stated as though there was nothing wrong with that sentence. He hopped onto Andrew’s bed, completely ruining the already made sheets. 

“Ugh,” Andrew didn’t even waste his time pretending like he was not going to go. Neil was in a rumbled suit asking him to be his date.  _ Of course he was fucking going. _ Plus Andrew was very curious about Neil’s ex. Apparently they were inseparable in college. Until they weren’t. “Fine, I'll go.” 

“Really!” Neil perked up and Andrew looked away. “Andrew this is great. You know what the best parts of weddings are? The chicken dance.” 

“What.” 

“You know!” Neil stood up from his spot on Andrew’s bed and began to demonstrate the worst dancing Andrew had ever seen in his life. He pinched his hands together to make slapping sounds and then brought his elbow up to impersonate a chicken. He then ended the dance by wiggling his butt and twisting lowly to the ground and then back up. 

Andrew stared blankly. “I am not doing that.” 

“You will,” Neil said surely. “Chicken dance is the best part of weddings.” 

“This is great that you’re coming Andrew,” Kevin changed the subject. “Now Andrew, you’re really going to need to step it up. You’re playing the role of Neil’s boyfriend. When I look at you, I want to think ‘who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?’”. 

Andrew stared straight into Kevin’s eyes and refused to blink. Neil sighed. 

“I should go,” Kevin said. 

“Good idea,” Andrew glared. 

Matt poked his head into Andrew’s room. Apparently it was a party in Andrew’s room now. “Are we good to go? I have a very important role to play in this wedding and I don’t want to be late.” 

Kevin rolled his eyes and pushed past Matt. “You’re the usher. That’s hardly important.” 

“It’s very important,” Matt argued. “I have to ush.” 

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Kevin snapped. 

The two followed each other out into the living room to argue more, leaving Neil and Andrew alone. 

“Thank you,” Neil said, much too genuine for his usual clueless self. “It means a lot to me that you’re coming.” 

Andrew just scoffed and tried to play off the strong emotions he was feeling. “Yeah, well. Whatever. You owe me one. Now get out so I can change.” 

Neil shrugged and left and while Andrew changed he could hear yet another ridiculous conversation being had in his home. 

“Did you use my hair gel?” Kevin asked. 

“Did I use your hair gel?” Neil sighed. 

“I’m not going to be mad, I just want to know.” 

“I used your hair gel,” Neil admitted. 

“Seriously?” Kevin groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you not to touch my stuff. A man’s hair gel is personal. This is basic roommate decency, Neil like--” 

Andrew stepped out of the room to stop them from fighting anymore. He had on a plum colored suit with a black bowtie. Contrary to the popular belief, Andrew did own clothes that were not black. He smirked to himself at the way Kevin and Neil both paused in their tracks, their eyes each glazing over his figure. 

“Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?” Kevin asked. Neil clapped him on the back of the head. 

“You look great, Andrew,” Neil complimented. 

“I know,” Andrew said. “Now let’s go.” 

* * *

Andrew, Kevin, and Neil all entered the venue together. Matt had been with them but was taking his ushering duties way too seriously in Andrew’s opinion and ditched them as soon as the car was parked. 

The venue had high ceilings and there was a table at the front that had free bubbles for guests. Andrew headed over. 

“No bubbles,” Neil steered him toward the other direction as Andrew scowled. 

Kevin scanned the crowd. “A lot of big game here tonight. Oh. Oh shit look. It’s Alia.” 

“Who’s Alia?” Andrew asked though he regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth. 

“Alia is this girl from college. Kevin used to be obsessed with her freshman year. She’s super out of his league and he hasn’t come to terms with it yet.” 

“Tonight just got real,” Kevin said seriously. “I will not be coming home tonight--” 

“Thank god,” Neil said. 

“--alone. I will not be coming home tonight alone. I will be coming home with Alia.” 

“Yeah, right,” Neil laughed. “Good luck with that.” 

Kevin bailed on them soon after and Neil directed Andrew outside where the snacks were. 

“Wow,” Andrew teased. “Look at my boyfriend taking me to the snack section.” Neil didn’t laugh or smile like Andrew had wanted him to. “What’s up?” Andrew asked. 

“I just want to be done with today.” 

Andrew frowned. “What even happened between you two? You and Karolina.”

It was the first time Andrew said Neil’s ex’s name out loud and he couldn’t help but notice how bitter it tasted on his tongue. 

Neil wasn’t able to give Andrew a response. Kevin had run toward them and then proceeded to try and hide his six foot self behind 5’3”’ Neil Josten. 

“What is happening,” Andrew deadpanned. 

“Gracie Long is here. She’s terrible and we hate each other,” Kevin explained. Neil casually took a sip of his champagne as though this was normal behavior. Andrew was starting to learn that it sort of was. He had only been living with Kevin for a month at this point but he could say with complete honesty that Kevin was nothing if not extra. 

“We always end up hooking up at weddings,” Kevin added unnecessarily. “I mean the sex is great, and she just looks so good naked but--” 

“Oh, hey, look there are those people we know,” Neil interrupted and steered Andrew away from Kevin’s whining. Andrew smirked. He and Neil paraded around the other food trays for a while until it was time to sit down. 

Matt very dramatically escorted Neil and Andrew to their seats. Neil’s knee would not stop bouncing. He kept looking around like he was trying to figure out if he could bail on the entire thing. 

“Oh, fuck. Fuck. Oh my god. Don’t look. There she is.” 

Andrew obviously looked. 

Karolina caught Neil’s eye despite his best attempts and got up out of her seat to approach the two. Karolina was pretty. Andrew was gay but he had eyes. She was around the same height as Neil, though the shoes she was wearing currently gave her an inch over him. She wore classy gold hoop earrings that matched the trim of her dress and her blonde hair was curled and pulled up in some sort of half up half down style. 

Andrew knew he should be more wary of this person that was causing Neil so much emotional distress but all Andrew could think of was  _ maybe Neil has a thing for blondes _ . 

“Hey, Neil!” 

“Karolina! Wow! I didn’t know you’d be here!” Neil lied. 

“Oh, right, and this is…?” 

Oh, right. That was his cue. Andrew politely stuck his hand out, “Andrew Minyard. Neil’s new boyfriend. What was your name again, Carol, was it?” 

“Karolina,” She corrected. 

“Right, right, Carolyn. Well me and Neil are just having the best time. This is our first time at a wedding together and I’m just getting such inspiration for our own when that day comes!” 

Andrew thought, perhaps, he was taking this too far but Neil seemed unable to properly form words yet. 

“Oh, so you two are serious then?” Karolina seemed to deflate a bit. 

“Together forever!” Andrew exaggerated. He was going to be sick. 

“Right,” Karolina said. “Okay, well I’m just going to go back to my seat.” 

Karolina walked away and then Neil seemed to snap out of it. “Oh my god. Wait did she seem jealous?” 

Andrew shrugged. The ceremony started and Andrew zoned out for most of it. The only good thing was that Neil’s leg stopped shaking. When they got to the afterparty Andrew kept noticing Karolina sending them small glances. 

Andrew wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand, she didn’t seem  _ that _ bad. But also. Kevin and Matt were adamant on making sure Neil stayed away from her. And Andrew sort of liked hanging out with Neil. At one point Neil excused himself to go use the restroom but Andrew watched him beeline for Karolina’s table. He wasn’t disappointed. He  _ wasn’t. _ Neil was a big boy and if he wanted to chat with his ex that was fine. Even though Neil was the one who insisted Andrew come and was now leaving him alone at a wedding where he didn’t know anyone. 

Kevin found him moments later. “What’s up?” 

“My feet hurt,” Andrew complained. 

“Poor you. Now let’s talk about me. I deserve someone like Alia. She’s amazing. But Gracie keeps giving me eyes and I keep thinking about the last time with Gracie and she’s just. So flexible. Like amazingly flexible. And--” 

“We have a problem,” Matt popped up on Andrew’s side saving Andrew from having to hear a much more detailed than necessary explanation of Kevin’s sex life. Matt nodded his head over to where Neil and Karolina were talking. 

“What the hell, Andrew!” Kevin said. “You were supposed to prevent this!” 

“What’s the problem?” Andrew asked. “They seem fine.” 

“They’re not fine! Neil is never  _ fine _ ,” Matt stressed. “Especially when it comes to Karolina. One time they ran into each other and Neil sent me a ten page email asking me what I thought ‘I’ll see you soon’ meant.” 

“Karolina just flirts with Neil until she realizes that she can have him and then she bails. He’s her ultimate back up choice. Everytime she just leaves Neil and Neil is inconsolable for weeks.” 

“I didn’t know,” Andrew suddenly felt very guilty. “I’ll fix this.” 

Andrew looked over toward the table but Neil and Karolina are nowhere to be found. He made his way through the party until he heard familiar laughing. Time to play the scorned boyfriend. He pulled away the curtain of the photobooth to reveal Neil and Karolina, Karolina sitting on Neil’s lap. 

“I trusted you! Cheater!” Andrew over exaggerated. Nicky would be proud of him. 

“Okay, Andrew seriously, this is fine,” Neil said. 

“Yeah, nothing happened!” Karolina defended. “I swear.” 

“Yeah, sure!” Andrew supposed that if he ever got bored of teaching, he could always become an actor. 

“No, really,” Karolina hopped out of Neil’s lap. “I have a boyfriend. I didn’t bring him because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Karolina addressed the last part toward Neil. 

Andrew watched as Neil leaned his head back on the booth in defeat. 

“But now I know you have Andrew!” Karolina quickly said. “So it’s fine! We’re all good here right!” 

Neil looked unbelievably sad and Andrew knew he was going to have to fix that too. He sighed. “Yeah, we’re good.” 

Karolina smiled and excused herself. Probably because Neil wasn’t saying anything and Andrew went from acting like a jealous lover to a semi-average human being. Neil looked so deflated and Andrew wanted to help, he just wasn’t sure how. His thought process was interrupted by Kevin appearing out of nowhere. 

“I’m going home with Gracie.” 

“What happened to Alia?” Neil asked with no emotion. 

“It’s not our time yet,” Kevin said certainly. Andrew tried to speak to Kevin with his mind and tell the boy he needed to fuck off because clearly Neil was emotional. Kevin didn’t get the memo and instead started telling a story of how last time he and Gracie got together, they had sex on a trampoline and that it was actually a lot more fun than one would expect. Neil removed himself from the photo booth and sulked off, leaving Andrew alone with Kevin. 

Neil’s pity party was atrocious. Andrew eventually excused himself from Kevin. By excusing himself, he meant that he looked Kevin dead in the eye and walked away without any comment in the middle of his story. Andrew stayed on Neil’s periphery. Keeping an eye on him while also giving him space. Neil kicked down a cardboard cut out of the bride and groom, the names of which Andrew hadn’t even gotten and didn’t even really care about. Andrew finally realized he had to intervene when Neil went back to the photo booth with his own personal bottle of sangria and kicked out the tween girls who were trying to take a group photo.

“You wanna see a grown man cry?” Neil slurred. “No? Then get out!” 

The tweens looked disturbingly at Neil and then smartly chose to remove themselves from what was sure to haunt them in them in the future. 

Andrew inserted him into the small photo booth with Neil before Neil could close the curtain. 

“Hi Andrew, I live in this photo booth now,” Neil said sadly. 

“It’s very nice,” Andrew replied as Neil pointed to various corners within the booth and labeled them as the kitchen, dining area, and bathroom. “Hey,” Andrew said seriously. “She has a boyfriend. And flirting with you all night was fucked up. She shouldn’t have done that. You are far too cool to be someone's back up plan. It’s time to let her go.” 

“I don’t know if I can,” Neil sighed as he fiddled with the label on the sangria bottle. 

“You can,” Andrew said decidedly. “You just have to choose. Are you going to take over this photo booth and traumatize more tweens or are you going to come dance with me?” 

Neil looked over to face Andrew and Andrew was suddenly very aware of how small the booth was. Their faces were inches apart. If this were a romance, this would be the exact moment that they kissed. 

But this wasn’t a romance. So Neil just nodded his head shortly, still seeming a bit sad but willing to let Andrew drag him to the dancefloor. They met Kevin and Matt in the middle of the floor. As soon as the four of them got together a slow song began. They all looked at each other, unsure about what to do from here. Neil just smirked at Andrew and very dramatically started moving his arms in a chicken like motion.  _ The fucking chicken dance _ . 

Andrew sighed, very deeply. But he made eye contact with both Matt and Kevin and then shrugged. The chicken dance it was. The four of them probably looked like fools chicken dancing to a slow song, but Andrew didn’t have it in him to care. The smile that came across his face when he looked at Neil was involuntary, but he thought that maybe, it was something he wanted to get used to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik in the show jess doesn't have feelings for nick this early on but andrew pining for neil is everything to me so it's happening. 
> 
> also dan, allison, and renee WILL be in this fic im just not sure when to add them in. but it's definitely going to happen ok.

**Author's Note:**

> [say hi on twitter](https://twitter.com/bazerella)


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